im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He better not be in your backpack
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
