32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
