when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
