If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
