ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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