She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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