3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
