i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
how drunk are you?
Several
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
