Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
