did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
