Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
