I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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