Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
