smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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