this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
