nut hugger
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
