What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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