so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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