He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
