Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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