haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
