fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
