So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
