Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
