he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
