I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
