Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
