Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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