you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
