if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I lost the right to judge tonight
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
