the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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