I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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