SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just want nice things and good sex
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
