i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
