I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
