Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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