So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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