so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
