Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
