Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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