Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
