it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
