It's like God shit irony all over that family
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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