$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
