OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
one might say we're banned from that church
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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