hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
