I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
