Acid is not a monday night drug
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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