If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My life is pants optional.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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