i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
