I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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