I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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